i like that octo mom she is my favorite xmen
Things he has used as lube on me: olive oil, cologne, purell, spit, tanning oil, and bottled hotel lotion
He needs to save up for some actual ky before my vagina gets an allergic reaction
honestly, magaritas are the void men can't fill.
you kept trying to convince me i had aids because my head hurt
nothing this campus sells is worth it. not even sex.
He just asked me if his big had a curved penis. Awkward? I think so.
Well his aunt was in the next room so we had to be quiet. I felt like i was on an episode of silent library.
Oh my gosh they are following me around the bar
Blow your rape whistle
I woke up and he used my makeup to write "hope you don't get pregnant" on my mirror before he left
I plan on showing these boobs to so many people that by the end of it ill just have a shirt of beads.
It's supposed to be a shit show, it's an end of the world party.
I feel like I missed the land of milk and honey and instead wound up in the land of beer and pizza. And yet, I think I'm happier here.
I think I just pulled an onion peel off my boob from sleeping on their kitchen floor
that is either the most profound and meaningful thing i've ever heard, or someone got high before noon again.
well i can officially check "have sex in a prius" off my bucket list...
Randomize
