Omg. I just woke up in a room full of naked people
Cute you're picking friends over dick. I feel like this is the trailer for a lifetime movie.
I'm having sex on a snuggie, yes i stopped to text you
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
you thought you were invisible so you started narrating your actions.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
I'm so prepared to puke on walk of shame tomorrow that I'm putting a toothbrush and toothpaste in my purse the night before. And to think, my dad thought I wouldn't make it in college.
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
The last bar we left there was a sausage stand right outside and I apparently felt bad those guys were working that late, so I bought a $9 sausage, gave it to some drunk kid and said "I support local businesses!!" I'd say I've done my civic duty.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
I just realized in a weird reversed way I hustled a stripper last night
Why is your ex naked in my apartment?
We have hung out 5 times and only had sex 3 of those times. I'd call that friendship
DO NOT THROW SOUP AT YOUR SCREEN
He texted me at 4:30 in the morning saying "I'm not drunk but I think you're beautiful" and then a facebook message at 6 am saying "hi" and the subject was "oh"
Randomize
