just to let you know I saw you texting some Kim chick, and facebook saying she's ugly... good job you're gay now
Nobody needs to come anywhere. Except on your face.
So we were banging and she started puking all over my bed. I'm not sure what's worse, her puking, or that I felt the urge to start singing Flip-adelphia.
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
I miss waking up knowing you're passed out under my bed.
Just bought koolaid for my vodka in a DARE shirt with my NES wallet. I'm everything I thought I'd be when I was 8.
Except even better, boobs get discounts.
It took me fifteen minutes to go from puking on my doorstep infront of my old lady neighbor to legit presentable person able to care for children. Bronzing powder and I deserve an award.
He started going down on me while we were watching Land Before Time.
Incredible.
Next time a party gets busted lets get a group photo first.
Sex obviously provides more sustenance than oatmeal.
When i said i was brazilian i swear to god he started to tear up
I woke up in a chipotle parking lot with an industrial sized box of condoms and a bag of dounut holes. I need Jesus
God dammit everything I said last night about jungle juice being awesome just does not carry over into the next day
Well I'm trying out this whole "not sleep with a stranger thing"
That's silly... just silly. And by silly I mean unrealistic.
just woke up to an abnormally swollen ankle (broken, perhaps?) and a shirtless man with the most beautiful abs I've ever seen sleeping on my floor.
is your ankle ok??
WHY IS HE ON THE FLOOR. SINCE WHEN DOES BLACKOUT ME ALSO COCKBLOCK ME
Randomize
