i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
Women are like Alzheimers patiens. You can compliment them a million times in a day, but the next day is always a wash, you have to start all over.
The sex was so not worth the four dollars it cost to drive over the bridge
I ate one of your animal crackers. just one. ok four. but no frosting. ok frosting.
She is sleeping in a dress because she's too drunk to put "real clothes" on
Blacked out at the beach and unblacked out at a piano bar singing Tiny Dancer.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
Guess who left Professor Cunt on their paper by accident?
If you're wondering where your left shoe is you lost it in a bet with a homeless guy last night
Tequila me may have very bluntly told him that I wanted to touch his abs.
It wasn't a basement apartment, it's his parents basement. And he wanted to show me his pet tarantula collection. I NOPED THE FUCK OUT!
Officially crunch time. It's my last year of grad school and I've yet to get blown in a school library. The parking garage was less than a block away though.
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
i was so high when i left this morning that rather than make sandwiches i threw bread and peanut butter in my backpack. a whole loaf. and a whole jar
All I remember was my mom walking through the door, and then me asking her if she wanted a hit.
Randomize
