i'd like someone to explain to me why my clothes are all sticky. including my fanny pack. yes, this is a mass text.
it was better than the time i puked and I forgot to open the lid of the toilet
As it would turn out, "jesusssssss" is not the password to enter Faith Chapel's wifi network.
mom just told me i had to find a fake by next wednesday.
I mean I gotta puke to be skinny, wax to be hairless, and drink to be fun. Life isn't easy.
I'm glad you trust me to be your sex stat keeper.
we're using his nephews tonka truck toy as a cooler for the beer
There is an empty space on my boobs where glow paint should be.
Last night did I take a piece of pizza out of your hand and then proceed to eat it?
Twice...
But you can't tell me I give the best blow jobs and then not break up with your girlfriend who has fucking TMJ! Come on!
I think I just gave my niece a weed pinata...
Good god you suck at this wake up call. Seriously. If I can, after consuming enough vodka to subdue a russian soldier, muster up enough motivation to call you in the morning and send you naked pictures the least you could do is pick up.
Do you remember me asking for jerk off videos from Tinder guy?
Nah I don't remember that being part of the criteria
I wish I was taller so I could give these boobs the publicity they deserve.
I got there and she was on her balcony drinking out of a bottle of vodka and smoking a cigar.
Randomize
