i think he might wanna be bffs again, but idk cause we're friends again but we haven't been bff since like a year. i don't know what to think...
wow. what a nail bitter. i need popcorn for this. brb
I didn't slap you in the face. TEQUILA slapped you with my hand...
Does my surprise involve the use of a safe word?
Probably.
I'm in.
so later when i'm crying over him remind me that he once called his penis "senor weeper"
i love how people use prayer to talk shit about eachother in a 'holy' manner.
I just told a dude I hooked up with last night he was the pick of the litter.
Just spent 3 hours on the Mcdonalds website. I don't know what to do with myself now that college is over.
Idk. I was speaking metaphorically. Go for it. As one of your bad decisions, I feel confident in saying you've done worse.
I think I'm going to add the date I dumped his sorry ass as a life event on FB.
I think that's justified.
I cannot describe the pre-ejaculative horrors thru the medium of text messaging
Just smoked a joint with the hottest patient. God I love night shifts.
Woke up with a 6lb bucket of Redvines with a note that said "I'm sorry" care to explain?
did you just send me my own nude
I think it's time to give up this life and become vikings. You in?
We just stood outside and debated the existence of mermaids for about 20 min. Is this what too drunk is?
Randomize
