i have a strong urge to join the asians in the park doing tai chi. I think im still high .
my mom just threw water on me to get me awake and is screaming "where is my fucking car?!"
you gave me a ride last nite what the hell did you do with it after you left me?
is sleeping with your Political Science professor Politically incorrect?
Was he helping you 'cram' for your final, or just giving an oral exam?
you never know when you'll meet the man of your dreams and bang him in an elevator
I feel like our bond is deeper now that we're both sleeping with married men. now we're really bffls
beer pong: waldo and ernie vs. bacon and eggs... i love halloween
Well he asked to have a sober hang out so i guess that constitutes as a date in college
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
Because I'm a hot mess throwing up in the litter box
All of my Tinder matches have neck tattoos. It's like God wants me to go to jail again.
Whoever was doing lines off my iPad is a dick. Also bring Gatorade, for I hunger
For Who flesh?
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
Dude so help me god I WILL weigh a penis one day
whoa whoa whoa, you're saying I shouldn't post pics of you balls deep in a southern hottie?
I feel like any time there's that much rope, lingerie, and horse masks on the ground, it's safe to say it was a great night
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