Sex don't cost a thang now that you can buy trojans with meal points.
3 complete strangers have joyously high-fived me on campus today. Tell me why, starting after jager bomb #4.
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
at which point he tried to give himself a prince albert piercing with the stapler on his desk.
My hanfda are one with the u niverse and I am cirretnly inhaling a couch
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
Just asking. Could've given you a lap dance in a sombrero, drenched in corona and tequila.
God Bless cinco de mayo
WHY ARE THERE NO BLACK EMOJIS? I CAN NEVER PROPERLY IDENTIFY MYSELF.
Hey your work video crashed my computer. The 8 pornos running in the other window didn't. Congratulations.
Last night I was just holding this kitten up to my face for like ten minutes telling it that it couldn't be real
Know what was probably a bad idea? Using white wine as a mixer for vodka.
I have straight up perfected the art of amazing manicures with shaky-as-fuck adderall hands. Also, I'm way too proud of this.
I'm on the porch day drinking and the neighbor is in his yard screaming about his amazing sandwiches, maybe we should move.
Gave a guy a blowjob in a convent. Place in hell is now secured...
Upstairs definitely just had sex while I wrote you love poetry. That was a fun experience 🤷🏻♀️
I have a number of responses, ranging in content, tone, and maturity. Choose your destiny...
Randomize
