Currently bar hopping with 30 Navy SEALS. I know i'm safe but damn its hard to pick up chicks when you feel like a big pussy.
You just got cockblocked by Conan O'Brien.
I got a bikini wax for the first time today and I think I now understand feminism.
FYI don't ever, ever get a lap dance from a stripper who says " she's having a bad day " at a bachelor party.
It wasn't until i was on my knees with three dicks in my face that i thought it might be a bad idea
yeah he couldn't walk in a straight line and started throwing up and told the cop he just has an astigmatism
Apparently the last thing they remember of me was me stumbing into a bathroom, then falling out 5 minutes later clutching a butter knife repeating "ketamine goes in my face hole"
I think I'm going to make a pina klonopin before class.
It just goes to show you, your dreams can come true. You can hook up with your dads hot married friend.
When you put it that way it sounds like my vagina is a parking garage to be monitored by security guards
He said he wanted to start giving out "sex souvenirs". I got a poster with a penguin on it.
I've entered the world of uncircumcised penises. It's disgusting.
If there aren't any tits where you are, you're doing it wrong.
I'm just waking up. I awoke in a towel (I must have showered at some point),i also found a half eaten McChicken in my bed and vomit in the toilet. Seems like I'm winning at life
Hey man, he's too drunk to remember what you said. What drugs are we buying and when should we expect them?
Randomize
