Every time you buy a sobe you buy a bong.
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
Im sitting next to shitfaced santa at the cuse game. My plan to be on television is now flawless
You kept referring to your penis as "this guy."
Then she opened the door and pitched the dead squirrel out, yelling "TELL THE OTHERS WHAT YOU SAW"
Also, the wait staff kept prematurely clearing my Manhattans. Not sure if it was an oversight or a hint.
I broke his nose at the bar and he still went home with me.
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
I climbed out of the shower to him sitting on the floor trimming his pubes with nail clippers, we both just started laughing at how drunk we were
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
Dude. He almost took three different girls home, all while dressed up as Amy Winehouse. If he goes as Kurt Cobain next weekend, we're screwed.
I'm driving to his house to eat chicken and hopefully have an orgasm
I'm jealous, curious, and aroused. All at the same time.
My job here is done.
Hey, remember that time a week ago when we walk-of-shamed literally down the Vegas Strip at 8:45am and I had one broken heel?
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
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