if i had a camp nickname it would be Flick Bean
there were more penises there than on chat roulette
i feel like an archaelogyst. im pulling apart last weeks brownies to find the weed in them
We ran out of ice cubes so I used ice cream. Everyone thought that was the plan all along. I just went with it.
I've decided to be proactive and make a sex playlist on my phone to avoid any awkward moments in my upcoming slutty summer
do you think a sharp knife would stab through a cheese suit?
I knew you would eventually ask my secret. Pedialite mix drinks. Works wonders.
Bright side: maybe hell start being nice to you now that you know he has erectile dysfunction.
Judge me all you want, but while you are stuck at home eating Ramen and tap water, I will be dining with some guy who, although might be the same age as my father, is filthy rich.
You proceeded to get into a playground school bus and yell "all aboard to Margaritaville!"
I got you a "sorry you think I'm pregnant" present
Last night you made me help you pick the raisins out of a kashi bar and acted like it was the most important thing to ever happen to you or our friendship
He's at Disney with 4 kids and I'm drinking wine from the bottle in bed at 2:45pm. Does it sound like we're compatible??
My friend Julia's mom just called her to say she got a puzzle in the mail made of cheese and when she put it together it spelled FUCK YOU and she doesn't know who it's from.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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