almost just walked around my whole building with my bowl in my hand before i remembered 420 isnt a get out of jail free card
She tied me up with her honor cords...
Listening to Joy Division and applying for Walmart. You get to choose which one is more depressing.
We're gona eat taco bell and then take exlax and see who can hold it in the longest. Loser has to pay for drinks all weekend. You in?
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Ice that vagina down, get some coffee, and try not to walk with a limp. It's time to dominate, pull it together
Guess who just got caught by mall security having sex in a car in the parking lot... at noon. This chick.
Apparently coming home smelling like I took a bath in beer is frowned upon in this household. I'm so glad I don't actually live here.
Full disclosure. I fucked the fatty from work and shit is weird now.
Did I send you a naked snap the other day with a fat blunt in my mouth with the caption "$1200 bitches!" ?
I just have to point out that once I typed "fa" my phone filled in "fatass"
Family trip though. I generally don't wheel too much ass with the fam in tow. Despite the fact my parents would be pleased if I did.
He said he's going to karaoke tonight and I just spilled a bunch of Cheetos on the floor and ate them all. So that's my night.
Nothin much, just sipping warm franzia from a plastic valentines wine glass while wrapped in my Mexican blanket listening to sappy country songs and mourning my lack of a love life. Hbu?
He bought me a bottle of Malibu. I think I could love this guy.
I've loved people for a lot less.
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