my boyfriend just said he'd go down on me if I gave him my password to facebook
My liver hurts and I just woke up from my first sleep in two days
Sounds like the perfect vacation
I'm not asking you to commit. I'm politely asking your penis to be my friend.
She said she forgot something.. and when she came out she was carrying a garden gnome, and a bottle of vodka. she was too hot to question it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Her ass is the reason I still believe in a higher power
There arew tilmes ina man's life when christmaas. THerew are times in a man's lfie when drunk texts from a bathrom hyufgirto. So, you know, merry chriastmans.
Another development in my life...I think I pulled a muscle in my neck from vomiting this weekend.
She came out of my bathroom wearing nothing but high top Converse, a leather jacket and a tongue stud. I love rock bars.
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I got a lap dance last night from a girl while I was wearing a Captian America onsie. My life does not suck.
just found out that my aunt grows weed. today is a good day to be me.
If you can give me an orgasm, you'll get a trophy.
Remember when you brought a guy home from the bar... to our parents house.... on thanksgiving eve?
Listen, I just paid for a hotel room, so I didn't have to have sex in his car. I'm adulting successfully.
I think that living in the "now" is the worst fucking ghandi buddha whatever advice bc that means I'm just gonna get drunk in the now.
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