I woke up naked in my living room and my mom was next to me like we need to talk
we'll penetrate his innocence with our dicks
Just witnessed a walk of shame by a guy in a half gorilla suit. It's going to be a good day.
I mean this holiday was built on cheap beer, shitty whisky, and processed meat... and I fully plan to honor that
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
Oh my god it's like Minesweeper. I can tell there's sex in three of the four rooms, but which one is the safe one?
Definitely almost got hit in the face with a baby
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
don't judge, it's breakfast wine Wednesday.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
Just read 119 best sex positions. I wanna try 107 of them. Can I put you down for 50?
My legs feel like baby dolphins
I fucking hate humanity. I met a twenty three year old adult with an aol email account today. I'm not sure how those things are related, but I'm sure they are.
He wants to buy me a wedding ring and pretend to be married to someone else when we fuck. It actually makes me wet thinking about it.
She shit herself again. We're calling her the "Queen of Sharts".
Randomize
