it seems as if every mistake i've ever made in life i've had an errection in one hand and a bud light in the other
I used to practice getting hit by cars.
I wish we were homeless so drinking on the streets was acceptable.
just peed on the 7/11 floor and casually left. Omg so drunk
I'm just gonna plan on never getting a bf. everything I touch turns to gay
I just came inside of a Gatorade bottle. That hungover.
I am a 5'4" ball of sexual frustration and vodka. It is that kind of night.
i had a tequila and emotion induced one night stand with a random stranger. senior year: infinity me: 0.
I'm eating shredded cheese and chugging coke, until I can function again. I'm tingling everywhere
Woke up next to a half eaten Philly Cheesesteak. Honestly probably one of the top 3 things I've ever woken up next to.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
These snow days are takeing a toll on my liver
You're so sweet in the most vulgar ways
Tell me I'm drunk and you have to come get me. It's usually true. They'll believe you.
Dude whoeverrs house this is has only creeam cheese and beer in the fridge. Thats my kinda diet
Randomize
