Remember that night when i almost got you arrested? Is that funny yet?
so he let me use one of the toothbrushes that came in his daughters 4 pack, purple glittery toddler toothbrush, the next time i came back his wife has used their label maker and put my name on it...
Guess who is high enough to buy Jingle All The Way?
why the fuck would he compare you to sexy aquatic creatures?
You had a towel around you and you called it your shot bib.
4 random people called me telling me they found him sleeping in the fetal postion on a driveway 45 minutes after we lost him
your drunk mistake has arrived...he is the one wearing a poncho
the ball fondling will be left out of the trip recanting
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Found another bruise from Saturday #stopliquor2014
You're acting like you didn't chug fireball, like duh you have bruises you drunk betch
Googling enemas while I get a pedicure ... My life in one senence
I left him naked in his bed. I did cover his junk with a blanket in case his roommate walked in later though. so I don't feel as bad about it.
Is it bad that if I found out I couldn't have kids I'd be more pissed that I've been using unnecessary condoms than the fact that I'll never be a mother?
God yes pancakes and booze sounds like the best night ever.
Randomize
