I wishh there was a lost and high section in walmart cause I would be there right now
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
you refused to come out of the bathroom until i asked you in spanish
It's like trying to pry an octopus off you. Except the octopus speaks English and can get drunk.
Just don't have "pin the tail on the straight edge" as a party game... Please and thanks...
we are still finding bottels filled with his pee. tom almost drank the one in the frig
On a scale of 1 to 3, with 1 being the smallest and 3 being the largest, what size nipple pasty do you think I am?
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
Im about to smoke a huge bowl. My penis is so happy. Who needs girls.
So somehow today's lecture on the immune system turned into me having to stand up and explain female ejaculation to the class.
You know it was a weird night when you find curly fries in your purse the next morning...
The struggle bus crashed, rolled down a mountain, and went on fire, and I was on it ugh.
If you enjoy dance recitals as much as I do, that's one shitty Father's Day...
We are making a pool on how long he stays sober this time you want in?
What started out as a one night stand ended in him texting me the next day, saying he thought he was gay.
Randomize
