The bar is filled with bros right now. Sucks I had to pay $5 to find that out.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
I know. She seems like she getting that "need some dick" restlessness. Might explain the feisty attitude
Bering your kids um. Abiout tol. Throw up
You screamed "show me a dick stand!" But before I could ask you wft that was you had passed out in the corner
No more morning sex. Just for once, my vagina would like to go to work bone-dry and bone-free.
She said I'm like warm bathroom-sink water. There's nothing necessarily wrong with me, but she doesn't exactly want to "drink me in"
Too much dab too little lung dying 😵😵😵
I just paid a hobo to give me his Santa hat so I can take Christmas nudes. Will send them later, they're fire.
so how was it...?
sadly not as impressive as one might expect from a division one athlete. he lacked the stamina i had hoped for, and by lacked i do mean he fell asleep while he was still inside me. an epic wtf moment, i know.
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
He ate me out in the passenger seat of his Range Rover in a Tim Hortons parking lot. I could hear “oh canada” on the radio from a nearby school as I came. Most patriotic orgasm ever!
i'm bringing homemade birthday cake and homegrown weed. how awesome is this text?
Got upgraded to First Class and now I’ve got the whole Pacific Ocean to seduce the very hot gentleman sitting next to me!!! Door closing, wish me luck!
Arrived home from picking Mom and Nana up at the airport to find Marc buck ass nude beneath the Christmas tree. Nana says she always knew I was queer.
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