cynthia nixon should never get laid more than me
just had sex with a midget and didnt wrap it... were totally gonna have a tv show :)
Ok I won't set anything on fire if you wear pants all night. This is a bet we're both destined to lose.
Thank you for holding my bra last night while i did a topless lap around the house
He told me to fuck off at some point in the night. I think it was right before he jumped out of a moving car trying to get to another bar and made Abby cry.
I need to pack up my vagina and leave. We only do bad things together.
Please stop using me as a reference for bail bondsmen.
Have you ever realized how cool bread is? Like so many things taste good on it. Like its crazy to think that peanut butter and turkey can both taste good on the same thing.
Oprah Winfrey is a jealous, vengeful god
You're going to hell! And you're going to hell! And you! And you. You're all going to hell!!!
I'd probably lick every tooth in Carly Rae Jepson's fucking mouth.
Teen Choice Awards are on if your wondering.
Did I hit my head yesterday? I have a bump on the back of it. Also I just want you to know that I don't blame you for me taking my bikini top off. If I want to be shirtless no man or woman on this earth can stop me.
So here's a brief summary of my weekend: last night I drank four glasses of Death Punch, grabbed the toaster, said "This is mine", put it in my pants and walked out the front door.
Kids parked next to me are getting it on. I'm eating chicken nuggets listening to Kanye alone. Happy Valentine's Day.
"Accidentally" bump into him after class.
I'm gonna "accidentally" put his dick in my mouth.
I think I was just motorboated by a 4-year old girl.
Randomize
