The jonas brothers playing in your laptop. This is why guys won't sleep with you...
I dont understand how a fully grown man could convince himself that lime green crocks would look good on him.
I forgot it was 4/20. that COMPLETELY explains the 7/11. i was like "that's a lot of white dudes... and they're really into snacking."
Just ran into that guy that tried to take a dump in your pool
The two guys from next door helped him do a backflip. The ended up throwing him halfway through a ceiling tile. Don't worry, we fixed it with duct tape.
It's that thing where you don't have any food so you just drink beer to get your needed calories for the day.
It was fine until he came back to my place, grabbed a beer, HIGH-FIVED me, and left.
I wish I could remember her name, I mean we fucked and all, but it woulda been nice to tag her in the instagram pics.
She found my old SD card with stuff I "didn't keep" or "didn't record us doing".... She's pissed but really horny. Did I just win at sex?
I seriously need to grocery shop. I have a slice of cheese, and alcohol.
Agree to hang out with him and then take a gigantic shit right on him. Or if youve forgiven him for being a fucker maybe make out with him.
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
I've seen you go skiing on a Tuesday, but you think you're too good for TGI Friday's?
Just so u know, "come here buckey" has no effect on ur cat, but "hey fucker you wanna get high or what?" will cause him to run from the other room knocking shit over. We smoked outta the gravity bong, then he went and ate.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
