he quoted cool runnings while we were having sex: feel the rythm,feel the rhyme, get on up, its bobsled time
and when he finished he started shouting "swim boys SWIM"
Also just realized how inappropriate it looks to other drivers to finish bottles of cheap champagne at stoplights
i have a picture in my phone of you with a bottle of tequila in your back pocket. i believe you were saying "pocket of champions" or something along those lines
Just came during my obgyn appt. I need to get laid.
So, sleeping with all of my Vicodin in my bra because I knew she'd be searching my room for drugs tonight. I'LL SHOW HER.
Good thing I left work early to shave my balls because traffic sucked ass, which I was written up for and my reason on the write was "to close on time, have to shave balls for date tonight". Oh yea, that was a bold statement right there
I have made the descision to sacrifice the first of my family's dogs that wakes me before noon tomorrow. I may quickly become the family outcast
This girl looks like an elf and is obviously on coke. I want to be her.
I'm cleaning my apartment while naked. Anyone who says that's not why they want to live on their own is lying.
Hi I haven't talked to you since you bought legal marijuana-are you still stoned?
The moment buddy the elf found out he was human is exactly like the moment I realized I was gay
JEREMY RENNER GOT DIVORCED. I STILL HAVE A CHANCE.
why is "bang the student affairs grad assistant" the third highest thing on your semester goals list
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
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