I never thought I'd hear the words "aww you pulled out" and "you're so sweet" in the same sentence.
new rule: cockblock me if I have had over a fifth of jack. no matter what.
not much just sitting outside his bathroom door naked eating cheetoes. You?
It's a given that you're going to get peed on at a country concert
I have nothing to lose. And a bunch of dick to gain.
New low: just got woken up by my 9 year old cousin throwing an empty at me and telling me to get my life together.
I'm attracted to him because he looks like the kind of guy who would lick my asshole without me having to ask.
I think I will always strangely appreciate as well as kick ass at stoned dishes. Like for the rest of my life. Thank you slave job at Starbucks.
I suppose we should both be prepared for the secret service to come visit us after this conversation. Hi NSA.
Maybe he injected his testicle?
i don't know how to react to you in a diaper crying and calling a football 'sadie'.
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
He is a sex God. It lasted more than an hour, and I don't remember how many times I came. I lost count at 57.
you asked if you could borrow my vagina for the night
ok, muffins say "love me", waffles say "fuck me", got it.
Randomize
