Do you not remember dry humping your dog for 20 minutes at oxfest dude?
but what if he tries to talk dirty to me with the lisp?
you started texting yourself and saying they were "divine messages from heaven" then you threw up on stacie's piano.
Not only do I have sand in my ass, but a crab pinched me while we were fucking. Still totally worth it.
Who ate shrimp cocktail in my bathroom last night?
You convinced her to break up with her boyfriend, made out with her all night, got her to buy us all shots then went home with a different girl...
That explains the "i hate you" text. But the facebook deletion is a bit harsh
Because selling drugs to kids never goes out of business. We get older, they stay the same stupid.
I'm so excited for post-beer fest chipotle. It will be better than scared shitless pre-go karting chipotle.
In last nights drunken stupor i apparently purchased a luxury travel package for two to Australia. So uh...get a passport and clear your schedule for next month
Getting high in the car with mom and the aunts during intermission for drag queen bingo. Details later.
P.s. I wore your shirt today and it has your blood all over it, but I am at a funeral home and they are using embalming fluid to get your blood stains out right now.
I don't know what happened last night. But I just woke up in the high school boiler room
woke up with 8 used magnum condoms bound together by floss around my neck, thats about all im gonna tell you.
Showed up to pick her up in my boxers. Lets just say im 2 for 2 with this new idea
I was pretty sure he wouldn't be into me after I fucked his brother, and then his best friend, and yet, here I am doing lines off his stomach
Randomize
