when she started arguing that Girl Talk was in fact a DJ, i knew i could never sleep with her
u know u need to get laid when watching mike wazowskis gf from monsters inc makes u horny
i think the sales of Rosetta Stone are directly related to the size of that woman's tit's
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
ur roommate just sent me a pic of us fucking. i'm not coming over anymore.
You threw a bunch of trashcans into the middle of the street and nothing happened. I fell on one car and suddenly there were cops everywhere...
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Oh you have a half-brother? Why that's right up my alley! Let's cause family strife
Tearing families apart since 2011.
i have a queen bed, a cherrywood bed frame, and gold sheets. how are you saying no to me right now?
Hooked up to multiple episodes of Even Stevens last night. What the fuck.
So I have to borrow my moms car tomorrow to go pick up my ID from the strip club so I can board my plane tomorrow
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
The night's not a success unless at least 60% of participants wake up with bite marks on their genitals the next morning.
I don't know what kind of parties you go to, but we should hang out more often.
Wine. Check.\nDino chicken nuggets. Check.\n#IssaParty
Randomize
