sorry if i was weird last night, had weird deja vu that we had done that before, i mean with the peanut butter.
we had.
well that explains the rash. i dont think i should see you again.
Is there a "Plan B" app for my iphone?
Im making the walk of shame with half a box of pizza, its like when youre little and you get a goodie bag leaving the party
I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
mom and dad are leaving for florida on 4/20, this is a sign
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
She broke both of her ankles trying to jump off the balcony. it's like every time she drinks she makes even more impressively bad decisions than the last time
This dude has my number from April last year. Drunk me left sober me a puzzle. No confirmation of pants off business
I think the closest to heaven you can get in this world is your morning dump after a night of Molly
Remember last time I drank with my mom? I asked if I got my dick sucking abilities from her.
Trying to figure out if the guy I'm with right now is the same guy I met spring break
Oh duude it is the guy from spring break! Awk.
I hate drunk me more than anyone else in this world
I'm on the fast track to lesbian land
Well I finally got to say all the things I wanted to say. Including telling him he looks like a naked mole rat
It goes to show, Sane person, daddy doms, little girls, all of us may seem different but deep inside we all grow wisdom teeth
Randomize
