A freshman just woke up on our back pourch... He swears there was a party here last night but we didn't have one
the jail released me with 39 mardi gras beads. I need details.
I've never been so happy to start my period. I'm gonna let everyone in the store see me buying tampons.
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
Until last night, I had never actually thrown up ON a sandwich
I mean, we started to hook up but my asthma attack kind of killed the mood
Hey if there is a better reason to go drink then "I've been fucking robbed!" I have yet to hear one. Also, I've been fucking robbed.
she did 8 shots of vodka. THROUGH A SIPPY STRAW
I have got to meet this girl.
I am gifting my birthday sex to you, but its okay because I can always just have birthday vibrator.
All you had to say was "damn dude that looks fun, I miss ice fishing." But you sent a picture of poop. Classy
Can we just smoke a few bowls and eat grilled cheese while drunk in our hotdog suits at 9am ?
Exactly. Stay back and unsubscribe from her
Mom and I shoplifted today. Her idea.
Retirement sounds fun.
I wonder how vigorously I can jack off in a one person tent without being noticed???
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
Randomize
