Drinking wine. Reading twilight. On a Friday night. Biggest loser contest. First Place.
Some dude just bet me $8 I couldn't smoke a pack of cigarettes in an hour...It sounds stupid, but I really wanna do it. If I survive, I'll have $8 and it'll look good on my resume.
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
I dont know whats worse: her telling me she was so drunk i was "almost sexy," the fact that even when theyre shitfaced, im just "almost sexy" to girls, or the fact that i wasnt that offended by it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Wouldn't pinatas filled with coke be awesome idea for cinco de mayo?
So you really have to stop introducing me to girls and afterwards saying "he has his dick pierced" let them find out for themselves
Do you remember calling yourself Captain Cockblock and openly giving out everyones sexual history? Because you did.
Only you would think wine and coffee was an acceptable finals study time mix
Found your dick twin last night
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well, he's moving. Now my only options are to accept it or fake a pregnancy; and since you are my only pregnant friend I'm going to need you to pee on this stick for me.
AND FUCKING MGMT JUST CAME ON. CAN I GO DROWN MYSELF IN LESBIANS OR SOMETHING? IS IT TIME TO LESBIAN
we're fated to lesbian
Drive by water balloon fight on $500,000 boats ended when someone threw a dildo
How bad would it be if I asked him for my "ho ho ho" thong back? They're my fav christmas pair!
I was going through my settings and the phone randomly started playing "Crazy Little Thing Called Love" by Dwight Yoakum. Out loud. At full volume. I was shitting. There were 3 other people in the bathroom. I love iOS 7.
I've got two reasons for you to come over later and one of them is pierced.
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