he quoted Bring It On. It's over.
so I found out that he is the older brother of a friend of mine from high school
awkward
no it got awkward about 40mins later when he invited me to stay the night...with him and his girlfriend.
She was singing my heart will go on into her barf bag. celine aint got shit on her.
Yo, if someone calls you asking for John Stamos, just go with it.
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I found a wheel chair. there is now a high chance im going to be fired from this job
How do I tactfully ask if the neighbors downstairs can hear me beating it?
i woke up next to a ladle and a packet of chocolate biscuits that my face had melted into one giant biscuit.
but i'm paying and its not a date cause he's got a gf and i'm hooking up with his roommate tomorrow night
I'll have you know that I'm still picking duct tape residue off my wrist from sunday
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she woke me up with a blowjob, mickey mouse pancakes, a mugshot of my ex in county jail, and tequilla. Do you know if she fucked someone behind my back or did i win the vagina lottery?
So idk if it's because I'm working out again or the coke, but I hit my target weight today. Whaaaat uuuup. Come and get me thanksgiving.
Blacking out is all I've done this year and we're only 3 days in. Checkmate bitch.
Let's just say that in a last ditch effort to avoid getting arrested I said to the cop "but I'm not even that drunk" and he proceeded to point out (in front of a crowd) that I had "fucking pissed my pants"
So I fell alseep while I was motorboating that girl last night infront of the entire party.
Standing straight up with intensity he came in his own mouth. I know this because he showed me the video from five different angles when asked if I would like him to demonstrate. And I did.
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