who do you think you are?
someone who doesn't ask that question
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Lots of explosions. Minor nudity. Full penetration and lots of tuxedos.
Just bought a McDouble with a tightly rolled dollar. The lady just gave me a sad face...
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
I like yr title more along "the hot Russian I have sex with."
You kept trying to throw the grocery cart off the balcony.
I've known you for the past two years. You never kid about biology or alcohol.
Oh, and one of the worst parts... his name was Mario. I fucked a Nintendo character.
I am no longer drunk enough to crave tostitos
He passed out. I tried to set his chest hair on fire.
Hey also tomorrow casually bring up wearing crocs to your sister's wedding
Apparently I drunkenly agreed to help the homeless. For once, I'm not disappointed in drunk me. Four for you, drunk self. You go, drunk self!
is it fucked up if I wear crotchless panties to thanksgiving to make it easier for me to fuck my cousins friend.
God I love you.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
