thank god random hookups don't end with college. happy birthday, america.
i just realized i've hooked up with every boy in this taco bell
That's the classiest thing you've ever said.
Normal people don't sit around and watch Degrassi for twelve hours...
FUCK YOU.
the girl next to me just texted someone in her phone named Optimus Prime
...i wonder what he did to earn that nickname
I don't know. I was also picked up by the doormen and held over the bar so I could do an upside down shot out of a bartenders tits.
The important thing is not that we avoid making mistakes, but that we avoid learning from them.
He called it restless penis syndrome. I call it cheating.
I just discovered I can sober up while teaching class
he drank all my beer while i was at work and passed out on my couch, when i got home he was out cold and my room mates pig was licking him. they seemed peaceful, so i took 20 bucks from his wallet and left again.
That which doesn't kill you gives you an excuse to get shitfaced later
Giving the guy pizza was a good idea. Leaving him naked on the pool table makes you my hero
I officially have worse injuries from a baby shower than roller derby.
There's lube on my homework. #priorities
Like he was cock blocking and it usually takes ten cocks to block this cock
My boss asked me to pass over one of my business cards and instead I had condoms fall out of my wallet, how’s your day going??
Randomize
