i find it a beautiful talent that i know how much pubic hair the girl in the next stall has just from the sound of her urine
After 4 hours of foreplay he passed out and almost immediately peed in my bed. Naked. Like a fountain. Then tried to deny it in the morning by saying he just sweats a lot.
He looks like Spencer from the game Dreamphone
is there anything more depressing than unpacking condoms from your suitcase that you thought you were going to use on vacation?
okay so i know you are missing your wallet but at least its not your tooth. i am missing my tooth.
All is not lost. The bondage chair came with repair seals and glue. It's like the knewwwwwww this would happen.
Ugh. my cast still smells like fermenting hot tub water and bad decisions.
We need large glitter to throw at people to signify our mystic nature
Fuck their feelings and their drinks they will get hit with sparkly confetti
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
I just did a shot of Jameson and two shots of cuervo. Note: this is the moment things went down hill
I wish I could take a screenshot of how things literally look from my eyeballs right now
Dude, I'm not going to use a butt plug.
ALSO I MAYBE ACCIDENTALLY HAND CUFFED MYSELF TO A CHAIR
this is gentle reminder #1 not to forget to bring the vibrator when you come
When I got home he was in his underpants on the couch, eating pop tarts and crying while watching Voltron.
Randomize
