these burps are starting to have way more vomit in them,
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
I just cleaned your Jaeger vomit off my car with a knife. Don't ever say I don't love you.
I think I should receive an honorary Heisman... I mean, I did sleep with two of the finalists
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
The strip club called, they have your shoe.
You. Me. A bottle of Vodka. The wilderness.
It feels like I'm breathing out my heart and it spreads through my limbs to my fingertips.
I'm to the point that I've had the revelation that its physically impossible for my arms to be attached to my torso.
Is the mullet a good, great, or horrible idea before we leave for college
I found a door knob in my purse this morning, I hope whoever it belonged to doesn't need it today.
hahahah
This is a mass text to all my friends. Whoever gets this first, please find me and confiscate my phone immediately. I am far too high to have it. Even if you have to punch me in my face to get it. Otherwise, let the "High While Analyzing Disney Movies" texts begin.
After passing out at the kitchen table, you woke up in my parents bed in between them. With no pants on.
Yo did you say we are blacking out saturday night and playing dodgeball?
Yeah for relay for life. Its for cancer
Bahahah I should. I’m the free range drunk girl who should clearly not be free range because who knows what kind of fuckery I would get into
Randomize
