I just made a milkshake without a blender... thats determination
I'm making a conscious effort to limit my spending at the bars...i wrote "FOR CAB ONLY" on a $20 last night
was it you or me who tried to make the, what appears to be, nacho cake in the oven?
i woke up and saw you were brushing his hair naked. I can never pass out around you, man.
We just weren't working out together, on a completely unrelated note some guy that i talked to on his grinder account said i could crash at his place
I envy your ninja level of don't give a fuck
I never actually go in the club. I get in line, hit on a chick, and convince her to come drink all she wants for free at my house.
Conversations we need to have while high 1) how mermaids reproduce 2) if blind people hallucinate what do they see 3) reincarnation
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
Like he held up the condom afterwards, twirled it with his finger, and said "look at that load"
pizza hut and my weed lady just showed up at the same time. I feel 22 again.
Next time you decide to go downstairs hungover, please warn me. I now have to explain to twenty eight year olds why you were naked.
My friend came into the apartment in real handcuffs at 4 in the morning. She was laughing and running around and then proceeded out the door...
it was the kind of sex that I don't even know how my hair extentions are still in
last night i was way too drunk and i was forcing people to let me tell them about mammals
just went home with a guy that made fun of me in elementary school. this blow job is not going well for him.
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