I just spent all my babysitting money on red cups and beer.
People still let you watch their kids?
New Jersey isn't a real state, it's just a myth you tell little kids to scare them like Canada or Carrot Top
i make up for being a shitty girlfriend by being amazing in bed.
She told me that as long as she kept starring at the freckle on her arm she wouldnt throw up
We're smoking a joint the size of the average penis right now. I may not survive.
He looked down at his phone and screamed "I'M NOT A DAD!" and then bought the entire bar a round
I will start puting down the plastic for the vom in our love chamber. If you want to be something or someone else for the night feel free. The theme is shit show.
I'm there.
I should not be in class today. For the professors sake.
And I just want to be like your tongue is not a FUCKING sword
Maybe if he'd step up his game and get a real job instead of donating plasma and trying to grow pot then you wouldn't feel compelled to write prisoners in Oregon.
I swear, the cow we tried to tip tried to eat me. and all I could think was, oh how the tables have turned. worst trip ever
Note to self: Calvin Klein's are not safe to shit in.
Hey can you send me a pic of your breast with a peace sign in the photo? I'm trying to win a scavenger hunt contest. Thanks so much
I found a used condom and a hairbrush in my dryer this morning.
Hiring someone to do your laundry would be a good investment.
Awesome. I did a rain go away dance. And it went away. Nbd just cotrollin the weather with my mind and sweet dance moves
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