Knee deep in strippers, everything is comped. will try hard to be there at 8. i promise.
just threw up nine times in the shower.. solid night last night.
Dont judge me. He may have been ugly but he was INCREDIBLE. He's like the Susan Boyle of sex.
You're just telling me nice things because you came in my eye.
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
Me and my vagina aren't speaking at the moment.
come onnn, where's your sense of adventure?!
I left it in that guy's dorm room.
I wish you could see how much hot sauce and broken glass are in our apartment right now.
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
Whenever you get off. By "pick me up from work" I mean, "pick me up from a bar by work at your earliest convenience" :)
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
Apparently, Lolla sends you an email every time you use your wristband to buy a beer.
21 new emails...yikes
I already plan to donate my brain to science so they can attempt to fully understand the complexities of my existence
CyberMonday=Bulk Condom Shopping For 2018
I want to disappear from this job like a fart in the wind.💨
Randomize
