you were almost asleep and mumbling "your penis is on my cheek"
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
His was the first dick to ever be in my mouth... Of course I'm going to the wedding.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
It got kind of awkward when her dad brought home a 20 something asian girl at 3am
I feel like I've wasted too many painkillers on hangovers
I still don't know why you took that job... it sounds miserable
not having any beer money sounds even more miserable
idk. a stripper just bit me. I'm so disoriented
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
If they could bottle a hangover it would taste exactly like lemon lime Gatorade and failed hopes and dreams
I AM EATING BACON AND CHEESE. FUCK THE BULLSHIT.
Is it against health code to come into work half drunk and commando?
Whenever you have to pee or whatever I'll be over here to harass you
The wedding is over. Operation sleep with my step-sister has officially begun
I have had my dick inside of entirely too many people at this wedding in order for me to be the groom. Please give me a swift kick in the dick to wake me up from this nightmare
Randomize
