my roommates friend slept in my bed when i was out of town..she ran out screaming cause she saw my VCR
i can juggle bunnies
cool
on fire
I told her I was pledging and she immediately proposed to give me head in the bathroom. i love how easy rushees are
I passed out on my porch last night. I'm still making it to class. This is what growing up means.
Im only pretending to be his friend so I can sleep with his girlfriend.
in a garage, wearing a toga, theyre debating the logistics of Coke Pong. If I don't make it out of here... it was me who stole your Barbie in the 4th grade- I've never forgiven myself.
His pick up line was "your one sexy pumpkin, I'd love to carve." Why would you let me go home with him?
If we can only get laid once in a blue moon, apparently this will be our month.
I wish i could just live off of margaritas and good sex.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
In other news, Justin Bieber has a big dick and that makes me uncomfortable.
When you didn't respond I figured you must be busy so I'm home in my pj's 2 beers in and stoned from weed I got from my gaybours. They also gave me cake. I'm not moving from this recliner.
I woke up at 6 and was laying at the top of my stairs.
There's something empowering about being at dinner and sitting across the table from two men you've blown.
I guess she found the pillow case full of vomit I hid last night: "Oh my God. Oh my God. In my fucking FRIDGE?! Really? Hope your dick falls off there's puke all over my food. Fucking die."
Randomize
