Wtf. Who made this Big Mac, Helen Keller?
Wow i just got reported to security for being a homeless person trying to break into the library.
It started out just like any other night: was watching a Zach Effron movie, drinking tequila out of a water bottle. I don't understand how this got out of hand.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
She's dipping the chocolate graham crackers in marshmallow vodka for a 'campfire taste'
Stop leaving me alone with my ex boyfriends after keg challenges. Woke up in his bed covered in what you think would be cum. No...toothpaste. He left a note. "Be home at four. Don't be here when I get back."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
please, i've had weekends with less dignity than this.
The universe is cradling this hangover like a gay couple cradles their newly adopted chinese baby.
Last night someone asked you what your favorite color was and you said "bagel."
Only you would get a side of potential vagina with your sandwich
a guy just skateboarded past my window in a bunny suit while chased by a dog walker
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
He kept saying "Welcome to Indianapolis" over and over while we were having sex...because that's his hometown. I was scared and confused... I didn't know if I should have said thank you or what.
half way down the stairs my legs said fuck this and i just fell the rest of the way...
Randomize
