i hope your v-card owns a pair of floaties
do you think they make "congratulations unfit mother" greeting cards?
or abortion recommendation cards.
fyi, she knows we call her the sperm bank. watch your back.
Sweetie, don't go home with him. You can do so much better. Everyone else at the bar agrees.
Just be happy that you're the pretty friend. Otherwise you would have had to walk home alone, like me.
dude, you were feeling up her boob for 20 minutes in front of the guy she was hitting on because you and her had an argument over who had bigger boobs.
hey man, it was for science okay.
He drank his beer out of his own shoe. Its his "party trick"
Dude, you're only mentioning the Bro Code so I can't get any
I'm just gonna go with where the wind takes me. if it takes me to his dick, so be it.
god, I have more takeout restaurants in my contacts than friends
Men are too sensitive. They need to learn to handle me.
We can't go out this weekend. My uterus is so desperate it's given me permanent beer goggles
He dared you to draw a map of the USA on your wall in mustard. You drew something that vaguely resembled a velociraptor eating Oklahoma, got embarrassed because you forgot how to spell America, then hid out in the coat closet until everybody left.
Why are there 17 orders of shrimp lo mein in the bathtub?
he's drunk and referred to his shoes as foot condoms
Randomize
