girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
Wow... that's disturbing man, and their not even my balls
did i get hit in the head with a hammer? someone just asked me...
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
So basically he tried to get out of the car and crawl on the highway with the broken leg because he didn't want to go to the hospital. It was not a good time...then we got pizza though.
You won’t make it to November. A 21st bday and Halloween in the same night has shitshow/ jail written all over it. So I call dibs on that tall guy
I woke up with hair in my teeth and half his beard was missing.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
He literally cocked blocked all the dudes that tried to talk to the girls he was with, and they all loved him.
Same guy who tossed the brunet over his shoulder as they left screaming "Bring me my lucky shovel!"
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
ATTENTION PENIS' OF BURLINGTON: I AM COMING FOR YOU
Where the hell did you pick this girl up? She just licked my cat and stole our last poptart.
all I remember the next morning was crawling through the doggy door and finding my underwear in my purse
So I FINALLY get to start out a story, "So there I was, naked except for a toboggan hat and handcuffs..."
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