I brought my laptop into the bathroom so I can facebook while vomiting. New low?
I woke up because I was nodding to the dream question of "would you like a sombrero?"
I fucked her while she was wearing her boyfriends dogtags. I'm officially a bad american
Just used your umbrella as a puke sheild. Thanks man.
If I had a penis, I would stick it EVERYWHERE. I don't know what these guys are doing.
I'm lying here drinking water from a shot glass..moving is not an option right now
just used my sex toy cleaning solution to clean my reading glasses. midterms are cramping my styleeee
merry christmas to all and to all I give the mystery rash.
If I walk in on you beating off, at least have the fucking decency to STOP BEATING OFF!
would it be uncouth to smoke a joint during office hours
This is why you're my favorite TA
It's been 12 hours since I have heard from you and social media has given me no indication you are anything but dead, so that's what I'm going with.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
you said, "I wonder what your mum is doing right now." in the middle of sex, of course I threw up on you.
I watched one of the videos of you hanging from the rafters, and it is both violent and sexual in nature.
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