im going to pretend im pregnant so i can eat a lot then i will accidentally fall down the stairs
We should be called the Road Head Warriors
jersey shore has given me a vivid depiction of what things will be like for me once i get to hell
Just checked my bank account while shitting blood. Neither action felt good when I was done.
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
I'm beginning to think I'm sterile because I definitely should be pregnant by now.
sometimes i feel like my only option in life is to be drunk or be a cat. today i am drunk
i just snorted adderall with my patient's rolled up EKG strip from our last clinical. nursing school has ruined me. thought you would appreciate this.
I bruised my vagina when I was climbing out of the trash can.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Nothing says Merry Christmas like gifting a bottle of rum and finishing it yourself then leaning over at the dinner table to puke it back up.
You know I'm having a rough day when I'm curled up in the corner eating Spaghettios.
With 4 extra seconds dedicated to the dong.
These kind of text worry me.
Have you considered sword swallowing? Something about that bj tells me you could make a it a career.
They kept freaking out that you were missing and potentially having sex.. like it was a bad thing. Got fed up with hearing it so i just yelled "ITS HER BIRTHDAY AND SHE CAN FUCK IF SHE WANTS TO!" They gave me unnecessary looks. I thought it was acceptable.
Randomize
