Girl last night got so wet when I was going on down her it flooded up my nose. I nearly drown
I'm at my inlaws playing Scrabble. Go Fuck Yourself.
I'm pretty sure you called me last night and screamed that she was force-feeding you a bagel.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Triple a is towing cars for free tonight and tomorrow night. Can we take advantage of this ?
I woke up with a half eaten bag of lettuce in my hand, wearing my Halloween costume from last year. Damn you tequila.
Today's hangover is a "wear sunglasses while pooping in the dark" kind of day
We just had father kitten bonding time .. I was on the toilet , he was climbing the animal print shower curtain . It was magical
Well my sources tell me she just happens to appear in an episode girls gone wild.
I know someone that will spend hours looking for her. He also has many of said movies. And I will do it for free!
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
Human centipede...with the teletubbies. That's what my nightmare had in it.
I don't even want to know.
It was marvelous. I was drunkenly conversing with my professor in some of the best Spanish I've ever spoken.
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
If muffins & morning blowjobs don't make him happy, frankly, I don't think anything will.
Remember how I have such good luck that it's almost bullshit?
I'm afraid to ask, but go on.
She put her coat on went to leave and called me an asshole. I responded with "I never said I wasn't" and then she pounced on me like a cat on cat nip.
Randomize
