he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
words cant express how excited I am to make January 1st our own personal version of The Hangover
I do not want to touch your penis after this conversation.
She's okay as an interesting car wreck. But as a sexual object she's funny
If I die tonight. Just know that chicken I made fuckin ruled. Recipe: Chicken with a shitload oF spice
Well then. It seems like we have a Mexican standoff of genitals
I'm so hungover that if we go to panera, I'll probably get a bread bowl to throw up in.
You asked him for a membership to him and his dick.
Just puke n rally. People can't judge, it's syllabus week.
Friends don't let friends drunk sleep in the dorm common room
He realized that I was watching deadliest catch while we were jerkin off on FaceTime.
I can't remember if I puked before or after the shots of absinthe. Or why I thought shots of absinthe was a good idea.
I'm really glad I had vomit on my sweater when I met his sister.
i dont know how or why im in the gym right now, but theres a hot cop, a guy i hook up with, and his hot friend. this can only lead to every fantasy i ever had.
Legit just looked at the gin bottle and said, “Aw fuck, I’m going to feel this in the morning.”
Randomize
