More dangerous that a broken heart and a shotgun.
why do our vaginas work when we are blacked out?? it's just not fair.
I just gave my patient permission to swallow while pregnant. She was so embarrassed to ask...but her bf was really happy with the answer.
Down at cameli's and some homeless dude just pulled out a taser. Awesome.
he just asked me to email him a handle of captain morgans...how sober do you think he is?
He blow dried my hair while I sucked his dick. Now THAT'S fucking teamwork.
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
I lost the bet. I now have to do all chores sans clothing of any kind. I give it a week before I'm knocked up...
You know when you get a stripper pays your bail. You got good wood.
You were discovered in a bush, smoking, and singing "in the jungle" to yourself. Which explains the scratches, but not the orange paint.
I think I died and satan has brought me back to life and I'm paying for my sins with this hangover
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
On a scale from 1 to 10 how gross is it to get a chili dog from a vending machine?
Sunday morning breakfast with the boyfriends family. I just puked in the stall at Cracker Barrell. Classy.
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