i just had a dream that i could control how black Will Smith was with a remote.i need to stop sleeping with the TV on
Last night drunk me texted a sure to be hungover me my class schedule and locations for today. I'm like a mom preparing her child for the first day of school
People are suprisingly accepting of someone doing a walk of shame in a toga...
Sat in the shower and reenacted the "Wiggle your big toe" scene from Kill Bill. THAT hungover.
He's the second guy this morning whose job is jeopardized because of my vagina.
My sharpie cut off line was invaded last night. Where's my turtleneck?
. Drop what your doing. Were going to Knoxville for midget wrestling. It's the championship.we can NOT miss this.
I'd return your shirt, but it got all wet from lying on the bathroom floor while I was in the shower with Justin's roommate...
Keep it.
Oh you have the munchies, Dad? That's great and congratulations on the weed but STOP EATING MY APPLE PIE
Happy 4th. Did you guys get your syphilis thing taken care of?
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
There is a time and place for BDSM, in-between disney sing-alongs is not one of them.
I wanna eat mushrooms and cuddle with a million dogs at once. I wanna know what heaven is like
I think sunday funday got a little out of control. There is cheese slices and BBQ sauce all over the roof and 4 empty bottles of vodka in my room.
Randomize
