Shitting during a conference call is so empowering.
I don't know where I am, but I'm drinkin & I like these people
you told me to make out with him to promote the social success of the sorority
Ok, so for future reference, in Rome, "piano bar" means "brothel".
he belly flopped onto the beer pong table, and almost boke his face, so at that point we decided swimming would be safer for him.
I am literally sitting on the toilet in utter disbelieve that last night even happened. My god that was only Monday.
Tell me right now I did the right thing by not fucking my sick gf at 3 am with her family home... Tell me my balls hurt for noble reasons.
Hey I have your shoes. Do you remember shouting "Police brutality!" when the bouncer was kicking you out last night?
Double vision is so hot when a big dick is in sight. Thank you Bud Light.
And then, I saw the prophecy come to fruition. It was the Dick of Destiny.
Honestly I'm not even that excited to see my boyfriend. I'm more excited to see his penis. His penis inside of me.
I'm about to have a threesome at the hotel where I had my quinceañera. Becoming a woman under this roof for the second time, whaaat
Oh dear. If we're both hearing alien sounds then perhaps they're real.
I just used a coke ridden $20 bill to buy Girl Scout cookies
I'm fine. Heading home now...crying. Michael Bolton totally understands me!
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