I woke up this morning and "The Wood" was on tv. Touche TBS, touche.
Microwaved placenta is very unpleasant.
I don't care how ugly she is, I can't turn down a free movie +bj. In this economy that's downright irresponsible
The bridesmaid just threw up on herself. This is going to be the best wedding ever
sick fucks of a feather flock together
Please put me in a whole with no windows and never let me out.
I cNt phones. tingles in my fingles. jingles
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
He came to my Harry Potter marathon wearing a Hogwarts uniform. Of course I fucked him.
I called you daddy and let you stick things in my butt, I am a damn 11.
have no fear, swaggie olivia is here to bring glorious gifts and horse dick to children
No, you are in the clear. The police officer finally just said "I give up" and walked away.
He said he doesn't "believe" in cuddling. Can you come get me?
I’m vetoing meatball margaritas right out the gate. We can’t have people throwing up again!
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
