does it bother you that i swallowed like millions of your unborn children
actually, i try not to think about it
and i pooped them out
got arrested for "breaking and entering" last night when i supposedly went into the wrong house made a sandwich and tried jerking off to porn on the tv...the cops told me they came in while my dick was out...oh and i missed work this morning and got fired
Tonight we are playing Scuba-Keg. Getting keg now. I'll explain when i get home.
i woke up next to the toilet with a chipped tooth, somebody elses shirt on, and a random guys id in my pocket
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I just kept pointing at random people and telling the bartender to put it on their tab.
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I had fun watching you interact with the world around you. Like a fuckin 8 year old kid who just discovered build a bear but really wants a cigarette.
I would have been the big man on campus...just flop my wang out on the table and how them what they were gonna deal with if they dropped the soap
I have to have sex on a bidet. I'm not sure what kind, but it's reason #4 for an Italian vacation!
Girl you're stalking so hard you're gonna know both their social security numbers soon
i can't hookup with him because someone else bit my vagina
Just letting you know that I just spent 11 dollars on a car wash... Because you had sex in my car.
I'm alone, 3 beers in, and cutting tshirts into belly tops.
In hindsight I shouldn't have been blasting Antichrist Superstar if I didn't want to seem suspicious driving up to a Catholic church
Randomize
