Pre-pickelized cucumber-hand invasion!! RUN!!!!!!!!!!
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
She vajazzled her vag. It was as useless as putting earrings on chewbacca
Why are you covered in frosting?
Friend's birthday situation turned into enlightened cake orgy.
I think it's safe to say me, swords and vodka can never be aloud in the same room again.
it was either a really good one night stand or a really really good first date. thank you online dating
Sitting in the library studying = googling how to get laid in the library.
I didn't think four grown drunk men could cuddle on a twin size bed, but we found a way.
Fell asleep naked on the recliner spooning with my organic chemistry book. The fact that I made it through four years of college is proof that the education system is fucked.
She's 90% sass and 10% boobs
All I know is if i get a free preview weekend of HBO then I am recording Kindergarten Cop.
Are you done yet? I've eaten three corndogs so I'm ready 2 party.
Pro tip: If you tell him that his dick looks like a muppet then you won't have to see him again.
Like, my vagina is jet-lagged.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
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