you thought that fire hydrant was a midget...you gave it a hug and asked for a lollipop.
its 4:30 pm. In the mall. Just threw up into my hands. I love Vegas and Vegas loves me
I've decided the third guy that I slept with is who I lost my virginity to...
How was me telling you it's my mom's birthday a go-ahead to bang my sister???
VAGINAS ASSEMBLE!
I'm not seeing this movie with you.
I NEED YOU TO TELL ME ITS OKAY TO BE THIS HIGH
Yes
O.K.
i could've stared at her spine forever man..she was so deep, and she made a drink out of vodka and organic mangoo shit. i will find her and present that goddess with some fucking gummies
you're no longer allowed out of my sight at parties
No matter how drunk I am or how drunk I'll ever be I love you
I haven't even had my coffee yet and you're being slutastic
Omg I literally just wanna sleep with you right now. Like actual sleep. Not sex. Well maybe. But sleep first
OMG he dropped his pants for me. Granted it was to show me where he got stabbed but still...
Eating pizza in the bath tub while watching a romantic comedy alone. I reached a new level of single.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
I love FaceTime, every time you ring me the morning after its like I went home with your one night stand too.
Grandma is high again and locked herself in the house
Randomize
