I just woke up with a girl who has left and right tattoed on her wrists. In french. I may need to stop drinking.
We defiantly won best dressed in the ER tonight
Also, we just got yelled at by a cop for being awesome...or making out in a fountain. Whatever.
walked into class wearing my zorro costume. some girl just said "oh my god, i fucked zorro this weekend." I found her.
There is a pile of hair outside the apartment next door. At least now I know what all that shouting was about last night.
Hey please buy toilet paper today. Plastic grocery bags are starting to hurt now
I'm drunk, we're losing, and I'm in the visitors stands. This is about to get ugly.
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
Where are you? Your parents are here. Their flight got in early.
Trashy Tequila Tuesdays. Have them meet me here @ the bar.
I'm not sending your parents to see you drunk at a gay bar. What kind of boyfriend do you think I am?
A great one. Entertain them i'll be home soon....... I think
its gotten to the point where if her hand isn't on my butt i think we're in a fight
I achieved the level of drunk I wanted even with the length of dress I was in..
How many Wendy's frosties do you think it would take to fill a bathtub?
Also. Picked being late to work over the maid finding my vibrator. Life choices....
everytime he speaks i want to fuck him less. i just wanna tell him to shut up and take his pants off and we could both be happy.
It's beautiful. It's what jesusxwants. I should send you a pic of my boobs out of friendship
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