someone threw a dead crab at me
it felt like the flash was giving me a handjob
If your pregnant with his baby maybe we can start getting weed for free.
I come up with the best drinking games while babysitting
like he said he was barking at you while cumming in your face
I have already decided that it happened in an alternate universe since both of the people involved don't remember it and we only have the word of a sober person that it happened at all
You were telling me last night 101 proof was nothing and you needed 400 proof or better yet military or marine proof, because you're marine grade.... You rascal.
I'm puking in a turkey pan....
Also I just had a flash back ... He told me I have nice nipples and then asked me about yours..
DONT TALK SHIT ABOUT LUNCHABLES
you walked around drinking beer out of a plunger and telling people it was a goblet...
Seeing your boyfriend, side piece, and great white buffalo, all in one night? Its a sign right?
Proceed with caution.
I dunno, there's just something so\ncomforting about having his penis in my mouth.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
Long story short, I found someone who takes me seriously when I say I have a Shakespeare kink.
i'm drinking soco out of a mickey mouse cup right now. i love it when college and my childhood meet in the middle.
Randomize
