Conclusion from last night: Sometimes being classy isn't as fun as making out with a guy on a pooltable in a bar. Happy birthday, Canada.
im dirt poor will suck dick for halloween costume
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
I wonder what it would be like to go to the dry cleaners and not have to inform them that all my clothes are stained with booze.
Drank another frat president under the table. Thinking of starting my own, gonna call it Alpha Phi Alcoholics
When the doctor said the anal leakage might not be reversible without some lifestyle changes you start asking if it's worth the entertainment value.
Please just fuck her. She's new to LA and doesn't know anyone nice.
I have a breathe right strip stuck to my forehead, several inexplicable bruises and I think someone tried to paint my nails with glue, but I still have my Santa hat. I'm gonna call this one a success.
I have better things to do with my life than be faithful.
Less than a month to graduation and I'm still blacking out on the reg tonguing down the closest breathing organism preferably with a penis but I'm flexible, and still havent figured out how to be functional on Fridays. WHY don't they teach us valuable shit at this institution!?
I just put bronzer on my abs to snapchat nudes. If that's not going hard I don't know what is
I woke up to a stripper (who added me on Facebook) messaging me reminding me to cancel my card if I can't find it
Are you ok?
They gave me a cat until I fall asleep. His name is fluffy because he's fluffy.
So my new thing apparently is getting wasted, showing people my slytherin socks and convincing them I'm slytherin..because why not
I was like ahh were on two different pages, I know there's rumors of me moving to boston but I can't and I'm not adding long distance to the relationship I have with my 31 year old recently divorced ex boss
Randomize
