That was definitely a porn plot just waiting to develop...
Big sunglasses are the new paper bag
ya. and they're way easier to confince girls to wear during sex
I'm so high that a hulu ad convinced me to go on healthybaby.com
He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
Dude, the cops never think it's as funny as you do.
i'm so sad bro, I can't get any pussy. I'm so sad
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
The girls danced. I drank. Then I danced cause I was drunk. Then I ripped tim's shirt off cause I'm awesome.
So we just accidentally broke into a building from the third floor while carrying shovels. The security guards are still very confused
My mom just added me on Facebook... She has one like and it's Will Smith
What's his name?? He crossfits 6 times a week, works in finance & is into the occasional felony class drug. His name is irrelevant in order to know if I wanna bone him again.
I was stretching naked in the middle of my room singing "Somewhere Over the Rainbow", apparently this is what I do when I'm high and the wifi goes out
My apartment looks like the apocalypse of sobriety.
if you go to jail tonight, call call me. i wanna get out of work
Oh don't mind my cushion, I got plowed in the ass by a freight train last night
Randomize
