You act like I'm friends with her or something. I only screw her boyfriend!
Oh yeah.
The boys are giving me the exam answers and I don't even have to expose my body..yayy engineering!
his facial hair looked like he just ate out someone's ass
Its 6 am and me and the girl in the next apartment have been taking turns puking and yelling "never agaaaain" thru the walls.
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MY MOM IS GOING TO SMOKE WITH ME.
SHE'S GOING TO SMOKE HIGH QUALITY MARIJUANA WITH ME.
Nick is about to bring home a woman who is 39, a mother, and, by all accounts, FUCKING HOMELESS. Will update as details become available.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just don't understand how she's willing to go through so much planning and effort just to get a dick inside of her
I don't know anybody that can get the cops to drive them back to the bar after being pulled out of a tree
it happenes
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That moment during finals day when you either convince your teacher to let you out of the room or you shit you pants.
He understood my need for pizza was more important than my need for sex. He's the one.
he asked me if i wanted to hook up & my answer was 'why not'. he came in thirty seconds and the condom broke. it's the love story of the century
I better get weekly incoherent text messages or I will assume something is wrong.
Did you have a good sleep?
if a good sleep includes waking up cuddling a bottle of wine I had a GREAT sleep
Dude I just woke up with a dog sleeping on me.
I thought you didnt have a dog??
Exactly.
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