just got out of a noise viloation because the cop recognized my roomate as his favorite chipotle burrito roller. just another reason I love ritos
i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
Just found a 7-11 receipt for new years eve at 1:30 am apparently we felt the need to buy three jars of pickles and a gallon of milk does this ring any bells?
He hid IN a snowbank for 2 hours waiting for me to come home. This game has to stop before someone dies.
I couldn't sleep so I drunk ellipticaled for an hour. Worst. Idea. Ever.
you just stood there spinning and got mad if anyone tried to stop you
Why did I wake up holding food tongs?
Just as I was applauding myself for the best wing man award, I realized we are going to have to burn our futon.
Great news I took pics last night
Warning: most of them are of you peeing while I take selfies
I think I'm going to contact pbr and see if they'll sponsor our dreams
If I got to choose how I die, it would be in an Olympic sized pool of gin and tonic.
Look, road flare archery was agreed on. We both accepted it was a shit idea sober, but did it drunk anyway.
If you feel frisky later I have a cowboy hat that would look great on you naked...
Who is this......
That was the best shit ever it was like an exorcism for my colon
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
Randomize
