I'm so bored and have no one to sexy text
so last night was fun and all.. but you might want to get tested
I wish we could go back in time and find our best farts ever
He's a collector of sorts
Any cool stuff?
You should see the collection of booggers in the carpet next to his desk
We're talking about addictions in class and there's a girl 2 rows in front of me on Farmville. Hello, example.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
Just found a picture of a hobo making out with her tits...a HOBO
Yeah...I know. It's cute I think...I mean cute in a weird like hey I kinda took you home from the bar one night, maybe criticized your penis, and fucked your brains out...kinda sorta way
Every time I there's a break up, I'm left with an animal. That's it. No more mutual pets.
I broke out the Krispy Kreme, and am possibly having random internet sex in less than an hour. I think I got this breakup under control.
Have 7 min to kill while I wait for liquor store to open. Feels really awkward.
chicken nuggets make me a bit homicidal
Hi,\n\nYou left your underwear in my Uber. Thanks and bye.
I have two bottles of emergency tequila stashed under my desk at work.
Our fake lesbian relationship is better than her real relationship. Bitch be jealous
Randomize
