My dad just yelled at me for going to youth group with out telling him. Apparently going out to fuck a girl without telling him gets me a high 5, going to youth group gets me grounded.
watching jon and kate + 8 right now is like watching my parents split up
his logic is that since hes already cheated on her w me its doesnt count
Thank you for holding my vodka while the police let me ride their horse.
he said 'i want to be the peanut butter to your jelly, just without the crust' and then tried to take me shirt off
this whole healthcare thing got me thinking.. without knowing it my parents are now going to be paying for my dealer to be able to live..
I have a boner and a quesadilla why aren't you here
Left and drinking by a bar by myself. Everyone is in pajamas. I'm in a tuxedo. This is my life.
All I want is to get as high as I did that time I started hallucinating that my brother was becoming a monkey and I saw my mum on every surface of your room.
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
my night stand is a mini fridge, dont even try to get on my level of laziness.
I need to see you idiots before I go back to school. But we shouldn't snort Crown Royal this time.
I just bought a bottle of lube for my car.
She has the best kind of daddy issues
I think next time I give head I'm gonna try making the chewbacca noise.
I look forward to it
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