is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
Annihilated within 20 minutes of arriving on Saturday, proceeded to hook up with him half a dozen times/almost have sex in the shed. Later on I text his boyfriend letting him know he's okay and that he's asleep next to me. If I could parlay this skill into a vital component of national security I'd be the Jack Bauer of homewrecking. Diner later?
After I tried for five minutes to hang my beer from the coat hanger in the bathroom , I have realized I am drunk
You're going to have to tell him your name isn't Ivor McTruckson eventually.
Everyone is hammered wasted already...young, old, the dying, babies...we got them all
You kept running up to random groups of people and saying "I'm a Dallas Cowboy Cheerleader so we all have to chug our drinks!" and they all listened to you.
Ok roommate is officially weird. Just watched her microwave the same broccoli 3 times in a row and cry b/c she fucked it up. Wtf lol
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Why is there a video on my phone of us trying to snort a line of Reeces Pieces with you chanting "This is how fat girls party"?
One of the guys I danced with wanted to give me his number so I convinced him I had a photographic memory and that I would remember it.
How the fuck did we end up at a strip club last night.. We started the night playing bingo at a church
Whelp, I woke up on the front lawn this morning. I have got to stop wearing these underwear. Every time I do, I end up puking in someone's greenery.
Who am I kidding? With my track record, I'm going to end up sleeping at the strip club with just nipple tassels on.
Getting so old my power naps are turning into, "can I reasonably just go to bed at this time?"
How did people get blow jobs before text messaging?
Randomize
