you were chalanging people to drink the "worlds biggest jager bomb" - a VASE of Redbull and a PINT of Jager... is it no wonder you dont remember anything?
I love you more than champagne and correct grammar
I was barred out and drunk as fuck locked out at 3am in my Indian costume. It was literally freezing outside. I laid down on the concrete and made a bonfire with dry leaves. Then proceeded to ask.the.bonfire nicely to "please dont go out". Drunk me went strait up survival mode.
This wedding is gonna be a disaster. I already had to turn down one of the groomsmen who offered me $100 to sleep with him next wknd.
Too low?
Yes.
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I will not be a drunk bitch. I will not be a drunk bitch. Chanting this until it's second nature.
Drinking in moderation can be fun. Drinking in moderation can be fun. Chanting this until it becomes true.
In other news I have discovered that grindr is the easiest way to get free meals
To be clear, the next time I wake up with your dick inside me, I will reach down and grab one and squeeze until it pops like a grape. You've been warned.
He referred to our sex as being similar to "Two cheetahs cage fighting" and I have to agree.
That is romantic
Well sometimes you just gotta put your dicks and pizzas together to show you care
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Hey. Im sorry to bother you but I just watched the seinfield episode about faking an orgasm and it caused me to second guess myself. Were you satisfied?
I feel like I'm in high school again. I'm completely sober and I just gave some guy a handjob to completion.
And the 'kicked out of Xmas party' trophy goes to me. 3rd nomination, first win.
All of my friends are talking about changing their lives because they have an alcohol addiction and I'm over here reminding my boss that it's national beer day.
I just walked by a dude at the gym covering himself in olive oil.
I feel like I should send her I'm sorry I've been fucking your boyfriend flowers.
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