Idk man, it felt like my skin was a suit and I could feel it zipping up my side and up to my mouth. And then my head felt like a ventriloquist dummy's head, with the jaw thing..it was freaky, dude
You think that's a metaphor for anything, champ?
Shut the hell up.
my boob sweat smells like rotting zombie flesh
is this your pickup line?
Her "get-your-paper-done-early-blowjob" incentive is the thing that has successfully deterred my procrastination
How do I tell my mom that she just went to the gym with my water bottle filled with vodka...
drunk tastebuds have low standards.
four loko is officially banned. leave it to the kids from a state school to fuck it up for everyone
Just saw a huge group of people walk by in there in their underwear. Too stoned for this.
You were stoned out of your mind. We were eating cold cuts and you wouldn't shut up about how it was the wettest meat you'd ever felt in your life.
I just sent a snapchat of my boobs for Adderall. It's finals season.
Came home plastered at 8am. Roommate had hot glued all the ashtrays and various items to their surfaces. Couldn't handle it. Went back to the bar.
Today is going to be a great day. He just brought me a donut on his dick... It's Sticky Dick Donut Day!!!
Should I go bust a nut on the beach
This night could easily degenerate into a drunken haze of strippers and gambling, but I need a support network.
Wish me luck on my new penis adventure
OMG OMG OMG Ive hit the penis jackpot
It seriously took everything in my power not to sleep with him
What did it come out and serenade you? Lol
It sang to me in the dark. It was magical
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