that's when I learned why R Kelly peed on that bitch
one day I'm really going to regret not using the boners I got in planes and cars
I got cut off for calling the flower girl a slut. What are you doing?
She fucking ripped my chandelier out of my ceiling. How does that make her a keeper?
I told him "thank you for wearing a turtleneck yesterday, I no longer have a strong erg to have sex with you. " He is no longer speaking to me.
My mom and dad are smoking a joint while lecturing me on what to bring and how to act in Europe. I'll finish this glass of wine and head over.
NEW RULE: NO INNAPROPRIATE CHOICES THAT INVOLVE GUNS. I LIKE IT. WRITE THAT DOWN.
If I ever die and svu has to come to my murder scene make sure they know I don't wear underwear always so it might not be as bad as they think
I'd love to sympathize with you but I'm drunk in a mansion
He said it was fake. Like really? Hey baby, I wanna sleep with you, so here's a picture of a fake tiny dick
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
She had pubes that could make an episode of Duck Dynasty. Fear the Vag Beard
Do you think dominoes pizza would deliver faster if I told them I just had shower sex and that always makes me hungry?
yea plus he's gonna be wearing his gumby costume so that'll take a lot of pressure off too
I think the pizza delivery guy is getting a handjob next door.
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