I just had sex in the back of an ambulance. Call me.
i have accomplished my summer goal of being able to relate to every taylor swift song
Don't threaten to terrorize my ass hole unless you have to wherewithal to back it up
I just ate a cashew that looked EXACTLY like your dick.
story update. I'm locked out of my house. Walk of shame advisory extended...
Breakfast-of-shame with my mother. I was in half of a sexy Mad Hatter costume. We had artisan bagels and judgement.
The countdown is at hand. We are 15 days from so much Jameson that names will be forgotten. Prepare your liver now or severe projectile vomiting will be the theme of the night.
Well, remember that night we took shrooms at graces an had to leave immediately to go home and hold each other on the futon and sob for four hours? That bad...
I hugged the bouncer as we left.
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
The horniest man in the world doesn't want sex as bad as I want pizza right now.
I've been vomiting all day.
All day? It's 10am.
Hahahaha .. If it makes you feel better I had a sex dream about a cheeseburger last night so I feel like we both lose.
Just saw the bridesmaid use her new sister in law as a stripper pole
now acid just makes me think of crab ragoon
Randomize
