Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
On the brightside though, I found the motivation to clean my shower, it was right underneath my need to masturbate in said shower.
he needs a life. he was like frothing at the mouth to cockblock you
It's hard to be a gentleman when a girl pauses her karaoke version of "a whole new world," and proceeds to tell the entire bar that she wants your cock in her mouth.
i'm about to tell me dad "sorry staying in isnt an option. i'm fucking a marine tonight."
ALSO, I NEED TO BORROW A CAT. ASAP
Woke up on the stairs at my parents house. Good start to vacation.
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
Ok here's the state of the situation: We're alone in a strange city with strange people with nothing but alcohol and sprite, I think we're gonna make it.
Your loyalty to the Redskins reminds me how no matter how much I disappoint you, you will still always be rooting for me.
I found a new button on my vibrator, tonight was a success
You can't die you're my only democrat family member
Seriously my new passion in life is the girth of his penis
Best night if my life? Time I got eaten out in the backseat of a M5 while eating White Castle. Then he fucked me. Perfect
Randomize
