i passed out on the floor in my hallway and woke up with my dog licking himself 2 inches from my face. my first reaction? envy
Lol speaking of weird...he just sent me a naked pic of himself that said "meow" at the bottom.
we didnt fuck last night. again. seriously, his place is like where dreams go to die.
I've realized that my life is in no way structured to be compatible with monogamy. I'm not adjusting to this well.
hi sober isdnt real. this is a mass rtoomate taext i thing. bye
AMAZING.
nah i think i'm gonna take my landlord's kids trick-or-treating instead. apparently the houses around here hand out wine to the adults and candy to the kids.
You threw up with your ski mask on still.
He knew exactly who I'd slept with after just one look at my crotch. He's like the Sherlock Holmes of cocks.
I'm convinced that college is the only place where one can have an existential crisis over what sweatpants to wear
I just watched our fat male neighbor dibble a soccer ball across the lawn. It looked like Baywatch with diabetes
You're the only person I know who can be puking into a trash can at 8 in the morning in Manhattan and get a date out of it....
So it turns out "let's pretend to be gay so guys will stop hitting on us" was step one in her plan to get me into bed...
fuck sobriety. I want to wake up tomorrow in a park or some shit.
So I have now fucked both my roommates...This is why I can’t live with men.
My Boss was giving porn recommendations. I think I'm scarred for life.
Randomize