in my opinion joe jonas is kinda pointless. hes just the pretty boy front runner.
So I just went to student health services and on my way in there was a girl outside on her phone saying "I just dont want you to be angry" and on my way out she was saying "I have the side effects sheet right here" Someone started the semester off classy
You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
I like your house better though. Cause it has febreeze and lube.
I don't think you have any idea how kinky that sounds.
We need to re-create the Get Some Ass Tour 2002.
Um, 2 out of 3 people involved with that particular event are now married, so I don't think that will be happening.
HELLO, they're MARRIED! They need to get some ass more than anyone.
Real reason I can't work: it's Tuesday. I get stoned and watch buck Rodgers in Tuesday.
Jesus Christ you're perfect.
He asked me if I remembered touching his police badge. awk.
Shirley Temple died. We owe it to her to get dirty shirley wasted.
Decided to make myself tequila gummy bears but got impatient and just drank the bowl of tequila.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
After we finished having phone sex he proceeded to serenade me with Ave Maria. It was magical.
Every time I download Tinder again, I hate myself a little more.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
I wouldn't have found her if it wasn't for the vomit trail leading into my brother's room.
Randomize
