Why does every girl think its ok to cheat on their boyfriends with me?
sometimes i wish i was a boob, they get to chill in soft and cuddly little cup things.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
Some guy just delivered flowers to my roommate cause he fell off a roof onto her at a party last night. I think they have a date tomorrow.
i thought i should point out that whatever else you can say about me, i've still gotten high with a midget.
Uhm; your sign says 'Welcome to KFC' and for some reason I can't seem to open the door.
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
And all you did was hit on me and do things "for America", so you weren't judged heavily
She walks around topless and loves making sandwiches. That's how a one-night stand turned intoa relationship
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Something like that. Healthy diet of beer, ranch sunflower seeds and sex keeps me young.
Wake up. Finish House of Cards. Put on pants.
Accurate.
I will feed you tacos. I will touch your butt. Happy Valentine's Day ❤️
Welp. It's confirmed. There is literally no lube on this entire island. Fuck me. More accurately, don't fuck me.
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Randomize
