i think blowjobs on the first date are perfectly acceptable. as long as you dont go dick to mouth.
She ordered a salad and a budweiser. I love her.
why do the even put the "Please drink responsibly" on tequila ads? like has anything responsible ever come from tequlia. No. never.
It'll be a Christmas-Fucking-Miracle if we get through the ceremony without a groomsman vomming
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We had 15 min before last call. Exact quote "let's see how drunk we can get."
How am I supposed to be friends with him when there's an exact replica of his dick in my underwear drawer?
Being drunk is way better. Seriously, I just licked your brother to make sure my spit was actually real.
It's going to be weird as hell when you have kids. I'll meet them and think "Hi, Did you know that I was almost your dad?"
Someone brought brownies to work and I was skeptical to eat one then I remembered I was at work and there is no way there is weed in them. Haha I'm blaming you for that.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
We need to leave a grand offering for the god of free booze and salvia.
He told me I had smoking hot areolas then he wins an executive of the year award. How does that even happen?
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
I want your attention. I want your attention in the form of your penis inside my vagina.
It was great. We stayed up all night talking about objects he'd put in his theoretical vagina.
Hey? Just a hypothetical. You ever accidentally kill somebody's cat on purpose? Like you didn't mean to but it had it coming? If you're wondering it tripped me while I was walking down the stairs and I landed on it as I fell.
Randomize