Its a three day weekend with Valentines day thrown in... Im obligated to get drunk
just fit an iguana in a condom...have pics
I stuck my fake eyelashes to his balls after he passed out.
Is it a bad thing that I'm trimming my nose hairs in anticipation for the 8ball to be delivered?
its 2pm. u awake yet?
ill text u back later. still peeling fingernail polish off my face.
she comes in perfect pitch. hook up with more singers.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
You cannot tell me you don't have a problem while crying pantsless on a stranger's sofa bed.
what the hell makes you think you get to decide what your going to wear at our weding!?
All I want is a hot dog on a Saturday at 2:19 is that to much to ask?!
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Sorry my friend with benefits tried to run you over with his car
That awkward moment when you bring a guy back to your place then have to tell him you only have magnums.
welp,tonight ive reached new levels. by new levels I mean,i showed some guys my boobs for water. on your tab.. the most pointless thing ive ever done. either we should hang out way more,or never again.
I'm sitting in the hospital with him while he's still half drunk with a busted leg because he thought he could do parkour off a rock
Randomize
