this kid in class is playing minesweeper and just slammed the desk because he lost. thank god were normal.
Also, I once came to the conclusion after this one boy, that her pleasure condoms are a college boys version of flowers
Its like a relationship where they cockblock each other.
I had to throw a towel over the bottles cuz it hurts to look at them
I'm really good at handling things like foreskin and speech impediments.
dude Steve you don't even know. its just been one hairy asshole after another.
Can I write your parents a thank-you note for your huge dick?
Happiness is having a 12 hour day thinking that there are only 2 beers in the fridge when you get home, but then finding 8. Fuck you Monday, this week I won.
We fired a shoe out of a medieval cannon. I know not where we got either one.
My goal is to have my roommate find me sprawled out in the middle of my floor naked and passed out. Maybe with some Alfredo chicken hanging out of my mouth. I don't know, we'll see where this goes.
he's a mother fucking interior design major!! we boned and fell asleep and now we're laying in bed discussing what color i should paint my room. i'm marrying him
Okay she just told me to turn the volume down on the fan. What does this even mean?
I am mildly hung over. Decided pants are very unnecessary right now.
I'm hearing voices and sirens. I'm scared. I heard a manatee out there.
1. I drank goldschlager 2. I fell in a bathtub and hit my head (hard) on a soap dish. 2. I sat in said bathtub talking to a random stranger on vacation from wyoming (who i met at a 711 looking for taquitos) for almost an hour. 3. We got kicked out of said bathtub by owner of bathtub. 4. We had sex.
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