hey call me
can't. in the shower.
... and this is probably why your phone does not work half the time.
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
Spilled red wine all over my bed. This has to be the fiftieth time ive refused to fall asleep without a drink in my hand
I always forget that visiting my hometown is like a who's who of ugly people.
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
You told the cop you where the star of the Track team and tried to run away. So yeah, i'm not surprised.
We're fucking and Lee Greenwood God Bless the USA comes on and he came. It was the most Roll Tide America moment of my life.
I get so many dick pics from him...He has an unhealthy obsession with his own penis...
Don't do anything I wouldn't do. Thankfully for you that list does not include male models.
Pandora was on point with the sex music tonight
Always keep a stash of tequila in your work desk. That is like adulting 101.
Well I just saw a fully naked man doing a headstand in a cooler of ice water.
I smoked too much. I'm sitting on my balcony and I keep getting lost. Help me
Why are you hurting?
Tried to drink all the beer in Nashville last night....failed.
Randomize
