y did u give ur computer a hand job?
When i tried to give you something that wasn't tequila...like water....you kept saying it was against your religion.
I've always been the spiritual type.
Miss Michigan hasn't even been Miss USA for 24hrs and already stripper pole pics are surfacing. Classy.
Houston, we have a blender
Day drunk and a can of soup and wine straight from the bottle and alone and on my kitchen floor.
obviously my window is still shattered. they're pressure washing my condo today. i think i need a bloody mary.
Come on, without my personality, I'm a pretty good one night stand.
I'm sitting in the breakroom facing a very large sign that says "inappropriate workplace behaviors", and i can't help but feel like it is directed at me
exhale infront of a fan. self shotgun.
Just ushered a raccoon across the street so yeah.. Good night
There really needs to be a redbox for wine because I want some but too lazy to walk into a store
I think there's a problem with society when I'm shopping for lingerie and I think "man some of these would make kickass shirts"
Rigtt?!
Shia LaBeouf arrested in austin for public intoxication. JUST DO IT
I just chased my hot mailman down the street to ask him out and now I am 98% positive he gave me a fake number.
I woke up and he already had a joint rolled waiting next to the bed. Love.
Randomize
