I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
Operation Purity has been aborted
there's no food at this bar, but i'm pretty sure vodka is made of wheat so i'm basically drinking bread.
i will be the first lesbian to ever fail women's studies.
I traded my shirt for vodka. I wonder if my parents can pinpoint where they went wrong raising me.
Under no circumstances is it ok to do naked cartwheels in front of anyone. i don't care how much ecstasy you took
I'm sorry but that single bed couldn't hold all five of us, especially with those boobs.
Be proud. All I did last night was roll around in my nun costume selling drugs. I love Halloween.
I bought left over pizza from a guy on Craigslist.
It has moved into the cliche "thin line between love and hate" real quick. With her. Not Taco Bell.
I feel like my dick pic collection should be archived at the Smithsonian
I just dumped the bloody coke bill into the tip jar while getting my hangover coffee. I'm literally going to hell.
Holy shit, add "successfully got stoned secretly at a party where a cop was" to my list of accomplishments.
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Randomize
