My roommate and I had a nyquil contest. The nyquil won.
how the fuck am i supposed to make breakfast with spaghettios and mustard
Do they fuck in the end of "Lady and the Tramp" or am i just wasting my time
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
I'm functioning at the level of a challenged walrus.
She just broke down showed up grabbed a beer said fuck it pulled off her fake eyelashes looked at my roommate and said we need to break up you're a nice guy and I'm a whore
He can spot Burberry from half a bar away. He's not into vag
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
I say we start a new tradition. I came up with it all by myself. It's called work out, lay out, black out
My entire summer has consisted of being too drunk for this shit, too sober for this shit, or too hungover for this shit.
I put chex mix in your purse for when you get hungry while doing your walk of shame tomorrow!
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Wall of shame with a backpack full of beer bottles, cowboy hat in hand, and a handlebar mustache. I was applauded by a passing car
Well I mean he still had sex with me after I told him that I play fetch with the kids I take care of, so I'm not really looking too far ahead with him...
Who is naked dude in the kitchen?
Randomize
