Come to the Burger King. We're waiting for you.
How drunk are you??
I'm flawless.
he's mad because you were 'slandering his penis'.
So two questions...why am I covered in muffins and are there pictures of this.
drunk making out is the fucking beeeest. specially when it's your exboyfriend
I wonder if you'll be as excited about this as you are now tomorrow morning.
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
I am literally missing a chunk of eyelashes. That's how fun it was.
someone just drove by blasting livin on a prayer and threw like 6 bagels out the window... was it you?!
your house isnt even gonna be on google maps after this party
We fucked. Had a political debate. I won. So I sat on his face.
IT'S FUCKING BABY SEASON ON FACEBOOK. MY VAGINA WANTS TO THROW UP
he sent a dick pic to my best friends phone for me cause mine died lol pretty sure he was regretting that night outta town.
I woke up with glitter and eggshells in my bed wtf
its so awesome dude, its like im a magical unicorn or something
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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