Is it wrong of me that I wish I could be a midget for a day so I can give head standing up?
why is allison so mad at me??
me and her walked into dans and you yelled "hello my dear alli, you're looking mighty overweight today!".
crap..
Ryan just walked out of his frat house with a case of beer, a 6 dollar bottle of vodka, and a pillow. He's good to go.
She is putting glow sticks from her bedroom to the bathroom. She is calling it 'Being prepared'. God help us all tonight...
No. No. And hell no. If you are driving a Honda Fit you are not allowed to give me a dirty look. No.
i mean, what better way to remind him of his failures in life than to fuck his roommate/fraternity brother?
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
Is it possible to rally from a drunken seizure?
Remember that mom/daughter stripper team? Well i just met the ex husband/father in AA. WOW!!!! WOW....
He's been watching the World Cup too much because right before he came he screamed "NUT!!!!!!!!!!!!!!" for half a minute. Our landlord is not happy.
I have 80 very blurry photos of you on a stripper pole...
... and this time i WILL NOT make out with anyone dressed as batman.
Not to make this awkward, but if we ever have sex (perhaps drunkenly), all i'm gonna be able to think about is how sexy our kids would be.
If my dildo had feelings, they. Would've deffinately been hurt. He put that toy to shame..
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
Randomize